I should be dead. I should have died instead of my mother. I am a useless, I do nothing, I'm selfish, I'm bad, weird, I'm just another crazy in the world. Everything that I bring to my family's pain and suffering. The world would be so much better if I were dead. If my mother were alive in my place, my sister would be better, would be happy, my family would be happier. I'm a natural disaster.